????

What the hell is wrong with me?  My anxiety is sky high and majorly impulsive and jumpy.  I want to talk to someone so badly, but there's no one I can call.  I feel so alone right now.  I seriously considered deleting my account at the forum and just sort of fading quietly into the background.  Would anyone notice?  Would they even care?

The girls probably think I'm a basket case, or that I'm doing this for the attention, but I'm not, at least not like that.  I don't know why I went off the way I did, I just want some help because I know I can't do this on my own, and the anxiety it's causing me manifested itself in one of the worst ways ever.  Once again I've managed to alienate myself from the people I care about the most, and screwed this up like I always do.

I've cried off and on about this all night this has eaten at me so badly.  I'm lost and don't know what to do at this point.  I just want all the tension to go away, but with the way I've behaved I'm not sure that's possible anymore.

I offer them a heartfelt apology and hope that perhaps someday I can be forgiven for everything I've done.  They mean the world to me and always will, no matter what...